Supernuclear Book Review: Other Significant Others by Rhaina Cohen

In-person opportunity: If you want to meet Gillian, my esteemed co-editor at Supernuclear, she will be at Rhaina’s book event tonight in NYC. If you are reading this, you are invited. 

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Right before the new year, Rhaina Cohen dropped by Radish. The “quick drop by “ turned into full afternoon of jamming on some of the core questions we consider in this Substack: Why don’t more people aspire to live near friends? And what would it take to get people to aspire to a setup other than the nuclear family? 

We talked through the practical challenges that get in the way of people living with or near friends (lack of group-friendly housing typologies, financing, etc). Those things matter, but I think what could really make a difference is storytelling. We don’t have enough stories of what a fabulous, enviable life looks like among friends. In our culture, “success” looks like a giant house by yourself or with your atomic family. Living with or near friends isn’t what most people picture as the American Dream. 

The absence of stories is why I’m so excited about Rhaina’s delightful new book The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center. It just came out this week and chances are you’ve heard about it somewhere in her recent op-eds in the New York Times and the Washington Post, or in Anne Helen Petersen’s newsletter.

I really enjoyed her Podcast with Ezra Klein in particular. One highlight was her story about close friends Joan and Amelie (77 and 57 years old). The last line about being “emissaries from the world as it could be” is a nice summation of our mission here at Supernuclear: 

“I’m interested in making sure that other people feel like there are other models and other ways to live their lives,” Amelie told me. “Something other people can create for themselves.” Joan said that living in a different way “has to be seen for other people to know about it, to want it, to fight for it with us, to change the way it is.” As she said this, I thought of the title of her 2019 photography installation in New York: Being Seen Makes a Movement Possible. Joan says she and Amelie are trying to show “a vision for a different future.” These friends are emissaries from the world as it could be.”  

The podcast is a great intro, but the whole book is worth reading. It tells the stories of people who have a friend who’s close enough to be a life partner. These are people who own homes together, raise kids together, care for their friends during cancer treatment and at the end of life. In other words, Rhaina is showing that friendship can be way bigger and deeper than most of us have been told. The book charts a new kind of dream, showing that a fulfilling life can be oriented around friends, not just a nuclear family. The depth of the relationships she profiles makes me yearn for that closeness in my own life. It’s really touching and aspirational.

And of course, the title could not be more perfect from my perspective. At Radish, we refer to each other as “other significant others” or OSOs. Logan even used the term to headline her piece in NYTimes Modern Love.  OSOs lie somewhere in the space between friends and family - both your buds and your support structure.

Go check out Rhaina’s new book if you want some inspiration and recipes for deeper forms of friendship (and leave a nice review!). She’s also doing live events in a bunch of cities.