So so so cool! My housemates and I have hosted line dancing in Lower Haight (in SF) every Sunday for the last year - our experience of meeting neighbors and building community has been so parallel and so rewarding! Would love to connect, sent you a DM. (and for anyone else in SF, you can follow along or join us on IG @lowerhaightlinedancing)
Patty, I love this so much. Years ago, when I lived in JP, a super fun neighborhood in Boston, I would pull my grill out from time to time on a Friday night, cook, and give away hot dogs to my neighbors who passed by. It was so fun!
My family and I now live in VT in a more rural area, and a couple of times each summer, I bring my DJ Rig down to the town beach and organize spontaneous dance parties. It's a heavy lift (literally and figuratively) but worth the fun.
A lower lift I do is called "Dance Parade," which my 9-year-old daughter loves. I call out a time and a place for people to meet, and we dance through a busy area rocking 80 tunes, and people join us. It's ridiculously fun!
You are so right about keeping it simple. The goal is to meet and gather, and I love how you also call out the need for going deeper.
Our stoop sit has been happening weekly for 3yrs. Similarly, we didn't know what to expect when we started- it's been more than we ever could have imagined. I think it could happen anywhere, people just need to put themselves out there. And I love San Francisco, because it seems to keep happening here.
I've discovered a number of similar events/ gatherings around the Mission, Noe and Bernal ( dog walking range!) Weekly, monthly, annually, sporadically- so many different ways to organize, and build community. Build it and they will come.
Oh, I loved reading this! (I think a lot about building communities.) It gives me so much hope that a grassroots movement to rebuild our real-life communities is possible and maybe even gaining momentum 💪🏽
Your learning about the importance of being willing to ask for help really resonates. I talk to hundreds of parents every year for my work, and the top barriers to community they express are:
1) I don't have anyone's contact info. (Schools have stopped giving out directories and often don't even allow parents on campus in a misguided attempt to neutralize parents in social-media-has-made-everyone-crazy world.)
2) I can't ask for help as I can't repay the "debt." (People feel very uncomfortable with the idea of "owing" something, as if community were transactional rather than an investment in collective wellbeing.)
3) My house is messy and I'm anxious about hosting. (I think Instagram and reality TV have warped our sense of what homes look and feel like.)
So here's a call for folks to share more of these simple ways to rebuild our social ties. My number one nudge to parents is to invite another family over for dinner. Don't clean the house, defrost something, and just do it! And don't plan in advance, rather put aside a timeslot every week or month (I do Friday nights) and invite folks a few days before from a list of families you want to get to know. Just run down the list until someone says yes.
Very curious to hear if/how you keep the WhatsApp group from devolving into something like Nextdoor, with people passive-aggressively complaining about neighbors' trash, noise, etc. Or does this just not happen since it's a group where you've all met in person? Also, have you seen examples of people stepping up to help each other out when challenges arise (like providing a meal when someone's sick, fixing something in someone's home, providing childcare, etc)? Love this post though! ❤️
Thanks Lindsey! Re: Nextdoor vibes, we are a primarily in-person community, which fends off most of the anonymous online behavior you tend to get on Nextdoor. We do also lightly moderate the Whatsapp with some gentle nudges.
And I have personal examples of neighbors stepping up for each other on last minute childcare, fixing something in someone’s home, moving furniture, etc. I also guess (and hope!) that there are many more examples I don’t even know about!
Love this! We used to do Waffle Stoop in downtown Oakland. Such a great way to connect with neighbors we otherwise wouldn’t have much opportunity to speak to.
Thanks Stan! I love the idea of Waffle Stoop. Did you know that coincidentally yesterday was international waffle day? Hope you were able to get together in the nice Bay Area weather!
"That sense of community that feels like it’s only possible in the suburbs" was a curious notion to me; it seems to me that the street as a third space should happen more readily in denser, more walking-pace urban neighborhoods.
Regardless, congratulations for activating it in yours.
Thanks E2! My personal experience is that the street as a third space is a more friendly notion in the suburbs than the cities I’ve lived in but I know we all have different lived experiences with that. Appreciate your note!
I had the same thought. When I walk my suburban street I run into almost nobody. And often people rush away to avoid communication. I think I will try the stoop idea and maybe float the WhatsApp group to a few people.
When I was growing up in the 1970’s, my parents participated in a rolling dinner/dessert party (I can’t remember what they called it) in our neighborhood. Each host provided one part of the dinner, or dessert. So salad and bread, main dish lasagna, strawberry poke cake, etc at separate houses. It was only for adults. They walked as a group to the next house for the next part of the meal.
I remember it as being a night of lots of adults laughing and walking around the streets of our suburban neighborhood, something that otherwise never happened. My mom loved these parties! They happened once a summer, or maybe twice. We knew all our neighbors, but the parents didn’t usually socialize, so it must have taken someone dedicated to organize this. But once they did it once, it was a big hit.
The same concept could be done using each garage/street area, not going into anyone’s home.
The 1970’s was a time of lots of community gatherings and a general willingness of people to try new things. There are probably lots of good ideas from back then.
Also, don’t forget National Night Out every year. I met all my neighbors in Minneapolis by participating in this.
Um...I live in suburbia and have wondered about how to connect better with my neighbors. We tend to hibernate in the winter. It's Quebec after all... I have in the past invited the street over with great results.
Covid happened and changed things. I loooove this idea!!! Great use for my double garage entry with no cars! Yippeeeee!
I host a similar weekly drop-in pizza party and I've thought about extending our reach to more neighbors and strangers but I've been somewhat worried about serving food outside my home without a permit. Did you get a permit for your pancake party or just go for it?
Love the drop-in pizza party idea—thanks for the inspiration! Are you making pizzas in an outdoor pizza oven or regular (indoor) oven?
If you want to chat about permitting, feel free to DM me or email LukeBornheimer@gmail.com. In the meantime, I would encourage you to do what you think is best for your community and not let concerns about permitting hold you back 😊
Thanks for your reply! I have a consumer-grade outdoor pizza oven (think Ooni or Gozney) which can put out a pizza every 6-8 minutes or so.
Right now we invite friends and pretty much everyone we meet to come to our backyard for pizza on Sunday night but we've thought about taking it to the next level by knocking on neighbors' doors and inviting them for pizza at the nearby park (since we don't have enough space in our yard for many more people). I'd be interested to know about the challenges and considerations you had to think through as it grew beyond the original scope of what you built
Awesome! My first thought is to (1) invite neighbors for pizza via a typed flyer or letter dropped at/in their doors—less work for you and lower pressure for them than door knocking and inviting face-to-face—and (2) host it on the sidewalk and/or part of the street outside your home. I think you’ll get a lot of people to join just by doing those things and it will be closer to home—literally—so people will feel and be more connected.
I’d have to think more about the challenges and considerations (maybe Patty has thoughts and insights she can add here too?), but some of the biggest challenges were (1) committing yo the event versus talking about it indefinitely and (2) sufficiently connecting with each person at the event, getting their phone number or contact info, and inviting them to our WhatsApp Community.
Fun fact: Patty's post just knocked AI off of the #1 slot on Hacker News.
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43473618#43475987
Stoops are the new AI.
So so so cool! My housemates and I have hosted line dancing in Lower Haight (in SF) every Sunday for the last year - our experience of meeting neighbors and building community has been so parallel and so rewarding! Would love to connect, sent you a DM. (and for anyone else in SF, you can follow along or join us on IG @lowerhaightlinedancing)
Thank you Joel!
Patty, I love this so much. Years ago, when I lived in JP, a super fun neighborhood in Boston, I would pull my grill out from time to time on a Friday night, cook, and give away hot dogs to my neighbors who passed by. It was so fun!
My family and I now live in VT in a more rural area, and a couple of times each summer, I bring my DJ Rig down to the town beach and organize spontaneous dance parties. It's a heavy lift (literally and figuratively) but worth the fun.
A lower lift I do is called "Dance Parade," which my 9-year-old daughter loves. I call out a time and a place for people to meet, and we dance through a busy area rocking 80 tunes, and people join us. It's ridiculously fun!
You are so right about keeping it simple. The goal is to meet and gather, and I love how you also call out the need for going deeper.
You rock, neighbor!
What a great idea, thank you Joseph! You're doing some great work too. It's a goal to get a DJ set up on the street one of these days :)
Hello from JP! Love this so much. Maybe we will try to bring something similar back :)
Our stoop sit has been happening weekly for 3yrs. Similarly, we didn't know what to expect when we started- it's been more than we ever could have imagined. I think it could happen anywhere, people just need to put themselves out there. And I love San Francisco, because it seems to keep happening here.
Thanks Kage, love that you’ve been doing this too!
I've discovered a number of similar events/ gatherings around the Mission, Noe and Bernal ( dog walking range!) Weekly, monthly, annually, sporadically- so many different ways to organize, and build community. Build it and they will come.
Oh, I loved reading this! (I think a lot about building communities.) It gives me so much hope that a grassroots movement to rebuild our real-life communities is possible and maybe even gaining momentum 💪🏽
Your learning about the importance of being willing to ask for help really resonates. I talk to hundreds of parents every year for my work, and the top barriers to community they express are:
1) I don't have anyone's contact info. (Schools have stopped giving out directories and often don't even allow parents on campus in a misguided attempt to neutralize parents in social-media-has-made-everyone-crazy world.)
2) I can't ask for help as I can't repay the "debt." (People feel very uncomfortable with the idea of "owing" something, as if community were transactional rather than an investment in collective wellbeing.)
3) My house is messy and I'm anxious about hosting. (I think Instagram and reality TV have warped our sense of what homes look and feel like.)
So here's a call for folks to share more of these simple ways to rebuild our social ties. My number one nudge to parents is to invite another family over for dinner. Don't clean the house, defrost something, and just do it! And don't plan in advance, rather put aside a timeslot every week or month (I do Friday nights) and invite folks a few days before from a list of families you want to get to know. Just run down the list until someone says yes.
If anyone out there wants more ideas for how to build your parent community, I wrote a playbook you can find here: https://honeycomb-parenting.notion.site/How-to-build-supportive-parent-communities-1574cca343c3801996beeca6d3d3e248
Thanks Chloe! I love your take and it's helpful to name those barriers so we can overcome them 💪. Thanks for sharing!
I feel like the Inner Richmond neighbors also have done some great community building work! Neighborhood walking club, even the Loose Grapes concept
This is so inspiring 🥲👏🏼☕️
Thank you Alexa!
It’s heartwarming and enriching once you start—highly recommend starting one yourself! If you have questions, reply or reach out anytime.
Lol I KNEW this was the Luke when I read this piece. Hi 👋🏻
☺️👋🙏
Thanks so much, Luke!
You’re welcome! For you or anyone else who wants to get in touch, my email address is LukeBornheimer@gmail.com.
Very curious to hear if/how you keep the WhatsApp group from devolving into something like Nextdoor, with people passive-aggressively complaining about neighbors' trash, noise, etc. Or does this just not happen since it's a group where you've all met in person? Also, have you seen examples of people stepping up to help each other out when challenges arise (like providing a meal when someone's sick, fixing something in someone's home, providing childcare, etc)? Love this post though! ❤️
Thanks Lindsey! Re: Nextdoor vibes, we are a primarily in-person community, which fends off most of the anonymous online behavior you tend to get on Nextdoor. We do also lightly moderate the Whatsapp with some gentle nudges.
And I have personal examples of neighbors stepping up for each other on last minute childcare, fixing something in someone’s home, moving furniture, etc. I also guess (and hope!) that there are many more examples I don’t even know about!
Love this! We used to do Waffle Stoop in downtown Oakland. Such a great way to connect with neighbors we otherwise wouldn’t have much opportunity to speak to.
Thanks Stan! I love the idea of Waffle Stoop. Did you know that coincidentally yesterday was international waffle day? Hope you were able to get together in the nice Bay Area weather!
Hah, what a coincidence! I just tracked down an article that was written about Waffle Stoop if you want to learn more: https://hoodline.com/2016/05/eat-free-homemade-waffles-on-an-oakland-stoop/
"That sense of community that feels like it’s only possible in the suburbs" was a curious notion to me; it seems to me that the street as a third space should happen more readily in denser, more walking-pace urban neighborhoods.
Regardless, congratulations for activating it in yours.
Thanks E2! My personal experience is that the street as a third space is a more friendly notion in the suburbs than the cities I’ve lived in but I know we all have different lived experiences with that. Appreciate your note!
I had the same thought. When I walk my suburban street I run into almost nobody. And often people rush away to avoid communication. I think I will try the stoop idea and maybe float the WhatsApp group to a few people.
Love this. My home came with an original speakeasy so im throwing a pop up for neighbors soon. Thanks for the inspiration!
When I was growing up in the 1970’s, my parents participated in a rolling dinner/dessert party (I can’t remember what they called it) in our neighborhood. Each host provided one part of the dinner, or dessert. So salad and bread, main dish lasagna, strawberry poke cake, etc at separate houses. It was only for adults. They walked as a group to the next house for the next part of the meal.
I remember it as being a night of lots of adults laughing and walking around the streets of our suburban neighborhood, something that otherwise never happened. My mom loved these parties! They happened once a summer, or maybe twice. We knew all our neighbors, but the parents didn’t usually socialize, so it must have taken someone dedicated to organize this. But once they did it once, it was a big hit.
The same concept could be done using each garage/street area, not going into anyone’s home.
The 1970’s was a time of lots of community gatherings and a general willingness of people to try new things. There are probably lots of good ideas from back then.
Also, don’t forget National Night Out every year. I met all my neighbors in Minneapolis by participating in this.
Um...I live in suburbia and have wondered about how to connect better with my neighbors. We tend to hibernate in the winter. It's Quebec after all... I have in the past invited the street over with great results.
Covid happened and changed things. I loooove this idea!!! Great use for my double garage entry with no cars! Yippeeeee!
the best read I have read in awile…and also why we are building a front porch that seats 15 :)
I host a similar weekly drop-in pizza party and I've thought about extending our reach to more neighbors and strangers but I've been somewhat worried about serving food outside my home without a permit. Did you get a permit for your pancake party or just go for it?
Love the drop-in pizza party idea—thanks for the inspiration! Are you making pizzas in an outdoor pizza oven or regular (indoor) oven?
If you want to chat about permitting, feel free to DM me or email LukeBornheimer@gmail.com. In the meantime, I would encourage you to do what you think is best for your community and not let concerns about permitting hold you back 😊
Thanks for your reply! I have a consumer-grade outdoor pizza oven (think Ooni or Gozney) which can put out a pizza every 6-8 minutes or so.
Right now we invite friends and pretty much everyone we meet to come to our backyard for pizza on Sunday night but we've thought about taking it to the next level by knocking on neighbors' doors and inviting them for pizza at the nearby park (since we don't have enough space in our yard for many more people). I'd be interested to know about the challenges and considerations you had to think through as it grew beyond the original scope of what you built
Awesome! My first thought is to (1) invite neighbors for pizza via a typed flyer or letter dropped at/in their doors—less work for you and lower pressure for them than door knocking and inviting face-to-face—and (2) host it on the sidewalk and/or part of the street outside your home. I think you’ll get a lot of people to join just by doing those things and it will be closer to home—literally—so people will feel and be more connected.
I’d have to think more about the challenges and considerations (maybe Patty has thoughts and insights she can add here too?), but some of the biggest challenges were (1) committing yo the event versus talking about it indefinitely and (2) sufficiently connecting with each person at the event, getting their phone number or contact info, and inviting them to our WhatsApp Community.
This is a great example of how a simple sustained act can initiate change. Well done.