Tom Sawyer your way through life
Selfish advice that's also maybe selfless?
Life lesson and community lesson.
Ask people to do work for you. Especially physical work.
Yes, they are doing you a favor. But you are also doing them a favor.
People crave connection. To each other, and to communities. And the moment you feel truly connected to someone or something is when you contribute to it.
Ask your new friends to help you move apartments —> Suddenly they are old friends.
Ask your extended community to do work for your coliving community —> Suddenly they feel at home.
The best kind of work for community building, in my experience, is physical work. Build days. The muddier the better. We have twice yearly work weekends at Radish, and we invite everyone we know. A large portion of our outdoor space has been built by people who don’t live here: A hot tub deck, a shed, a gravel deck, a stone patio, raising planter beds, a full garden.
On the first swing of the shovel, they are strangers. On the second swing, they are guests. On the third swing, they are one of us. They visit and see part of themselves in the property. And we remember them fondly for their efforts.
We like the way Danny Leybzon expressed this in his case study on Ski Cult:
Our society has numerous patterns for consumptive experiences: music festivals, conferences, pre-planned international trips… But very few people have experienced being a collaborative creator of an experience. This is a key component to the success of any kind of communal living arrangement: it can’t be one person’s passion project, it has to be everyone’s co-created experience.
On reflection, this is why I’ve always been so drawn to the Burning Man community and Burner-style events. Being given the invitation to not just be a consumer but a creator of experiences is both magical and gratifying. For people who have only ever experienced the consumptive model, co-creating an experience requires a major mindset change.
Cabin, an organization focused on building a network of coliving villages, also makes build weeks a highlight of the experience.
You are halfway a part of something when you consume it (e.g. attending a community event). You are fully a part of something when you contribute to it.
Give people the opportunity to contribute. Make the ask: Selfishly, shamelessly, with nothing specific promised in return.
You’ve given them the gift of belonging. And they’ve given you the gift of a freshly painted white fence.
This is today’s advice for you, aspiring community builder: Tom Sawyer your way to community.
- Phil
This reminds me of Ben Franklin's old trick, which I guess has a name - The Ben Franklin Effect
From Wikipedia:
---
Benjamin Franklin, after whom the effect is named, quoted what he described as an "old maxim" in his autobiography: "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged."
Franklin explains how he dealt with the animosity of a rival legislator when he served in the Pennsylvania Assembly in the 18th century:
"'Having heard that he had in his library a certain very scarce and curious book, I wrote a note to him, expressing my desire of perusing that book, and requesting he would do me the favour of lending it to me for a few days. He sent it immediately, and I return'd it in about a week with another note, expressing strongly my sense of the favour. When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and with great civility; and he ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death."
---
Thanks for all the great content!
I love this idea. I feel it articulates something I've been feeling and craving. Thanks for sharing.